Q About one and a half years ago, I had a misunderstanding with my mother over my wife. I am not looking after my Mum as she does not want to see my wife and me. I am the only son and she is a widow so I feel I'm shirking my responsibility. This is causing me sleepless nights.

Last year, I was referred to a psychiatrist and was given the sleeping tablet Zopiclone. I get some sleep only when I take the medicine. I went for a sleep test during which I did fall asleep. I am 45 years old, have two children and feel miserable. The lack of sleep affects me. I have tried taking the tablets only on alternate days. I have started to drink alcohol to try to get to sleep. Do I need another sleep test?

A Your dependence on Zopiclone (Imovane) on a long-term basis is both unwise and unconstructive. The use of alcohol along with Zopiclone is also unwise as it is likely to result in cross-tolerance, causing greater dependency on Zopiclone. Research has also suggested that there may be rebound insomnia when it is eventually removed from your system.

It is important to see if you can have a heart to heart talk with your wife. She should understand that you are paying a heavy price for standing by her.

See if she is able to put her hurt and issues aside so that you can arrange for mediation between your mother and your wife.

It will also be good to seek counselling. You may even want to invite your wife to counselling sessions for her to work through her own struggles with her mother-in-law.

Counselling will also likely help you to work on your sleep problem as well as issues between your wife and you. Relaxation techniques, sleep management and conflict management skills will be imparted during these sessions.

Dr Danny Ng

Dr Danny Ng is a psychologist at Raffles Hospital.

This article was first published in Mind Your Body, The Straits Times on June 4, 2008.