All Mr Andy Low wants is a job. Yet each time he declares to potential employers that he is HIV positive, doors slam shut in his face.
He is determined not be defeated by his condition. After all, he is still able and willing to work.
'People with this illness, we are alive, we can still work,' Mr Low, 37, told The Sunday Times.
By going public with how he is HIV positive, he hopes to change mindsets about HIV patients.
Mr Low is the first Singaporean to declare his condition since the late Mr Paddy Chew, who succumbed to Aids in 1999 at the age of 39.
Mr Chew gave talks, interviews and even wrote a play chronicling his experiences after admitting he had the disease at the 1998 National Aids Conference, the first such conference in Singapore.
The former flight attendant put a human face to the disease, but since his death, no one else has dared to come out in the open about the condition.
Mr Low said the decision to publicise his condition was something he wrestled with.
But he did so in the end because he wanted to tell others with HIV to be strong, and to show by his example that they would not necessarily be rejected by their loved ones.
'I asked myself at first if I was really so noble. But Andrew told me, 'Since you already have HIV, what are you going to do next?'' he said, referring to former television actor Andrew Seow, 37, a close friend who has set up a group on social networking site Facebook called 'A dollar for Andy', to raise funds for Mr Low's medical treatment.
The two are former business partners. The fund has raised slightly over $1,000 since it was set up a month and a half ago.
Mr Low said going public about his illness was also a way for him to come clean with his family and friends, especially since he felt he owed an explanation to those who had invested in his business - which folded last year - and whom he has yet to repay.
This acceptance of his illness did not come easy and there was a point when he wanted to end it all.
Last month, he went up to the 14th storey of a building in the Lavender area with the idea of killing himself.
He was riddled with debt, unable to afford his HIV medication and was sick with fear of never being able to find work.
'I was scared to jump, but I just felt so helpless,' he said.
Mr Seow found him and managed to stop him.
His first inkling that something was wrong came in the middle of last year, when he had a fever and flu-like symptoms that he could not shake off despite medication.
His doctor suggested he get a full medical check-up done in August last year.
Three days later, Mr Low found himself back in the doctor's office and was told he had tested HIV positive. It was the last thing he had expected to hear.
'I just kept quiet for a long while and then I broke down and cried. I was scared. I couldn't face people and I was afraid to lose all my friends,' he said.
He does not know how he contracted the virus and said he was never sexually promiscuous.
Mr Low is heterosexual and has had only two serious girlfriends, both relationships lasting between three and five years. Although he admitted to having had two or three one-night stands with women, he said he had always used protection.
But how he contracted HIV is not important, he added, because it would not change anything. He has not informed any of his former partners about his condition as he is no longer in contact with them.
When told he was HIV positive, 'my first thought was if my family would avoid me if they knew? Would I still be able to touch my niece, my nephew? I couldn't tell my parents because I didn't want to break their hearts', he said.
More bad news followed. In December last year, his telemarketing business with Mr Seow went bust.
By then he was waist-deep in debt. Friends who had invested money to keep the business afloat began asking when he would pay them back.
The former Bedok Town Secondary School student had done stints as a waiter and salesman for a printing company after national service.
From 2000 to 2003, he was a telemarketer for Citibank and DBS Bank and earned a monthly salary of $20,000. He thought nothing of splurging on high-end labels like Louis Vuitton, his favourite brand. He later worked in sales.
In 2007, he met Mr Seow through a mutual friend and they started a call-centre company in April that year doing telemarketing for credit cards.
When the business folded in December last year, they lost $1.2 million. They are not bankrupts, and Mr Low said he hopes to get a job soon so that he can help Mr Seow pay the debts.
He has applied for sales jobs. He was upfront with three potential employers that he had HIV, and was rejected by them.
When The Sunday Times met Mr Low at his rented apartment in the Balestier area last Thursday, he was dressed in a T-shirt, bermudas and flip-flops. His closet is cleaned out of the branded items. He sold them online to help pay his hefty medical bills.
'Anyway I don't really go out much now...no need to dress up,' he said.
The soft-spoken man apologised for his appearance, having recently contracted chicken pox.
Frequently falling ill has been part and parcel of living with the condition because of his body's lowered immunity.
He has to take a cocktail of four drugs every day, which costs more than $1,000 a month. That is not counting the multi-vitamins he pops and the occasional traditional Chinese herbs that help boost his immune system.
He also has to have medical check-ups every three to six months.
Mr Seow is helping him bear the brunt of his medical bills. The pair have remained close friends even after their business flopped.
Mr Seow still dabbles in film and television work and hopes to open a small shop selling antiques and old art pieces.
Having himself once been ignorant about HIV, Mr Low hopes Singaporeans will wise up too.
'Why do people see HIV in a different light compared to cancer or other diseases? They think we're irresponsible because it's a disease that can be avoided. That's unfair...we are human too,' he said.
Reactions were mixed after his picture first appeared in evening daily Lianhe Wanbao on June 21.
Some neighbours shunned him. Where once they would hold open the lift door for him, now they scuttled ahead, quickly closing it in his face. One even stayed in his car till Mr Low walked by before getting out.
Mr Low remembers a particularly stinging moment when a friend who was pregnant chided him for being 'irresponsible' by going out with her.
'I felt sad at first when they treated me like this,' he said. 'I am not an alien, I am still the same me. Why treat me this way?'
But 'coming out' has also helped him see the good in people. Last week, a church volunteer who knew about his condition gave him a hug. He was touched.
His family members have stood by him even though their initial reaction was one of shock and tears.
Mr Low's cheery disposition crumbled only when he talked about his 66-year-old mother. Tearing slightly, he said it was her love that kept him going.
He is the youngest of four children, and she calls to check on him almost every day and brings him his favourite pork dishes two or three times a week.
Despite his initial reservations about going public, he said he had no regrets.
'Once you step out, you find life is so much better. It's a relief. I want to live normally,' he said.
Knowing what it is like to live with HIV, he hopes that he can eventually set up a support group for others like himself here, and perhaps in time, work with patients in other countries.
Aids activists looking for someone to help raise the profile of related issues such as access to treatment and discrimination may have found their man.
Mr Brenton Wong, 47, the former vice-president of Action for Aids, said putting a face to the disease would be a powerful way to make people sit up and listen.
'Many issues will be raised such as access to treatment, affordability of drugs, and why there isn't any subsidy for medication till this day,' he said.
'Singapore is the only developed country that doesn't subsidise medication. Infection rates are still climbing, which means our prevention efforts need to be scaled up. His coming out will show how we have not progressed since 20 years ago.'
Mr Wong, who was close to Mr Chew, added: 'We always hoped someone would come out and continue the work Paddy had done.'
