WHEN I bumped into a family friend at a bar earlier this year, I had no idea that would be the last time I would see him alive.

He had spotted me across the crowded room, where I stood with colleagues, and we sat down to talk for nearly two hours.

When the night was over, his last words to me were: "We should hang out more often."

I now wish I had taken up his suggestion.

Three months later, he hanged himself in a rented flat in Chinatown, without leaving a note. His flatmate found him the next morning.

He had become an alcoholic and, plagued with marital problems, was depressed over how messy his life had become.

I heard of his death only two weekends ago when his sister broke the news during an online chat. She told me that her family was not taking his death well and that she intended to see a counsellor.

I was dumbfounded and spent the rest of the day mulling over the reasons that may have compelled him to take his own life.

He had been someone I occasionally played with as a child and to those who knew him, he was a charming young man who was always ready to help others when the need arose. Most of all, he seemed to have a positive outlook on life, even after being released a few years ago from a jail in Japan, where he had served time for drug offences.

I had sensed his difficulty in re-assimilating into society, both on a personal and a professional level. However, he never once spoke of suicide or hinted that he was at his wits' end.

Which is why his sudden death is something I can hardly make sense of.

Experts say that the most common reason people kill themselves is their belief that suicide is the only solution to a set of unbearable feelings or emotions.

In the thick of their overwhelming emotions, they are often blind to alternative solutions.

In the United States, 80 per cent of those with suicidal tendencies give some sign of their intentions. They may talk about their feelings, or threaten to kill themselves.

I'm not sure if my friend had spoken to anyone about going down that path. The thought did not surface during my last chat with him - which was intense but controlled.

Perhaps he had reached a stage of desperation where every solution he could think of wouldn't have worked. Maybe he was suffering from a chemical imbalance which is often attributed to suicidal tendencies. I guess I'll never know.

But I do believe that suicide is not a solution. It is merely a premature end before a real solution can be worked out.

Most people who think of suicide just want to end their pain.

I don't profess to understand the depths of personal agony that could make a person think of suicide.

But I believe that no matter what problem you are facing, there is always a solution.

I am not a psychiatrist but I feel that, in most instances, undergoing therapy or having a listening ear would do wonders to alleviate the pain.

If only my friend had sought help sooner. Now, he has left behind a trail of devastation, with his family the worst-hit.

I consoled his sister by telling her to hold tight to her memories of him, as that will keep him alive in her heart.

As for me, I miss him dearly.

I only wished I had called him sooner. Perhaps I could have helped him.

myp@sph.com.sg

If you are depressed, you can seek help at the following numbers:

- Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 1-800-221-4444;
- Family Service Centre: 1-800-838-0100;
- Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1-800-283-7019;
- Care Corner Mandarin Counselling Centre: 1-800-353-5800;
- Touchline (Touch Youth Service): 1-800-377-2252.

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