(Oct 13) TWO years ago, Mr Abdul Raouf Yeo and his wife Aida Shariff were trying to get through the death of their six-month-old twin sons.

It did not help that Madam Aida's mother blamed her for not eating right and for taking pills that damaged her babies' brains.

Kareem and Shakeel Yeo arrived two months premature in August 2004 and had to be put on ventilators to help them breathe. They were in and out of hospital thereafter, battling seizures, infections and thyroid problems.

Mr Yeo, saying the weeks following the twins' deaths were a struggle, added: 'We started questioning ourselves, and always wondered if we did the right thing.'

Madam Aida said of her mother: 'By blaming me, she made me feel like I was a terrible mother.'

A nurse pointed them to a support group where they could meet other parents who had also lost their children.

Started in March 2005, Child Bereavement Support (CBS) was founded by Mrs Sonya Szpojnarowicz, a British housewife here whose son died when he was almost two.

When she failed to find a help group here for grieving parents, she set up one with four bereaved expatriate parents she met over the years.

As the group has no premises of its own, it holds its monthly meetings at the National Kidney Foundation's building, where members share their experiences with those trying to come to terms with a loss.

Mrs Szpojnarowicz, 39, said: 'When you meet other grieving parents, you don't feel like you are completely alone and it validates your feelings.'

Describing fresh grief as being close to madness, she added: 'Just to hear another bereaved parent say, 'Yes, I feel the same way', is a huge relief and you realise you are not crazy, but are quite normal.'

The group has so far helped 180 families, mostly locals, through meetings and a book of stories told by 20 parents which offers tips on dealing with grief.

The book is given free to those who have lost a child, but is available to others for a minimum donation of $10.

Funds raised through these donations go towards bringing in trainers from the British charity group, Child Bereavement Trust, to run workshops at hospitals here.

These trainers talk to health-care professionals, discuss with them how news of death was broken to parents in specific cases and analyse how this could have been handled more tactfully or compassionately.

Mrs Szpojnarowicz said Singapore does not have anyone with skills in this area, and that CBS has sponsored two nurses from KK Women's and Children's Hospital and National University Hospital to go to Britain for training.

She said that doctors, in a bid to look professional, sometimes come across as cold and business-like.

Another stumbling block CBS has faced here lies in the cultural superstitions held by the elderly, usually the parents of the newly bereaved.

Mrs Szpojnarowicz said: 'Some people believe it's taboo to talk about the death, but they need to realise that talking about these things is healthier than not doing so.'

The group needs $20,000 every year for the trainers and for an annual memorial service at East Coast Park, where balloons are released in memory of lost children.

A book-and-bake sale will be held next month to raise funds.

Madam Aida and Mr Yeo plan to return to CBS meetings to help other grieving parents, just as they were helped.

For now, they are busy with 21-month-old Hakeem, who was born about a year after the twins died.

Mr Yeo said: 'Anyone who has lost a child will know you never get over it. You just get used to it.'

jessicaj@sph.com.sg

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Charity facts

What it does: Helps parents whose children have died get through the grieving. It runs monthly support meetings for them, where previously bereaved parents share their experiences.

Money it needs each year: $20,000

How it raises funds: Through ad-hoc fund-raising events such as a book and bake sale, and from donations - at a minimum of S10 ? for its published book.

Premises: None. Meetings are held at the National Kidney Foundation?s premises.

Number of staff members: None.

Number of volunteers: 15

Amount in the kitty: $20,000

Is it online?: Yes, at http://www.child bereavementsupport.org.sg

Are its financial records online?: No.

Why you should donate: A support group enables people to meet others who are in the same boat and to be helped through their situation. Singapore has far fewer such groups than Britain and Australia.