By Anthony Yeo

Q. I wonder if I am suffering from depression. For some time, I have been feeling low and moody. I find it so hard to get up in the morning to go to work. Friends tell me I am going through a mid-life crisis even though I do not feel it is that. I am 39 years old and wish life would be less stressful, but each day seems such a drag for me.

-Andrew Ng

A. What you describe does make me wonder if you are indeed having depression, so I would caution against jumping to conclusions.

Somehow, the more you think you are suffering from depression, the worse you may feel.

Some people seek information from the Internet about psychological problems to understand what is happening to them, but end up feeling worse because they seem to identify with all the symptoms described.

Perhaps what is useful is to ask yourself questions such as: What is my depressed feeling trying to communicate to me; how often do I entertain negative thoughts about self, the world and the future; how much does it affect my daily activities?

People who suffer from depression often end up being dominated by negative thoughts, low moods and, if severe enough, suicidal thoughts.

If this is not your experience, then I would like to believe you may be feeling depressed but not necessarily suffering from depression.

Sometimes, a person like you may also be affected by what is known as life-transition issues.

Since you mentioned that you are 39 years old, I wonder if you are affected by the fact that you will be turning 40 soon.

There are those who feel turning 40 is a kind of milestone where they have to leave behind their 30s for another decade that is leading them to middle age.

This is also a time when people may feel the need to evaluate how life has been for them, wondering if they have achieved anything significant.

They may also feel the need to decide on how they should live in the future.

In this sense, it can be a mid-life crisis as it triggers the thought that half a life has gone by and mortality is staring at one in the face as one journeys onwards to the next half.

I trust you are not in despair as you are concerned enough to raise questions about what is happening to you.

I would suggest that you take time to reflect on what has been meaningful in your life thus far and identify blessings in your life.

Granted there may be struggles, unfulfilled dreams and dissatisfaction, but that should not negate or discount what has been affirmative.

It would also be helpful to think about how you wish to live in the future. Despite the gloom pervading the world today, there must be something to live for, something hopeful.

Maybe your depressed feeling is telling you to make changes in your life, such as doing less of what is not helpful and living differently in the future.

Now may also be the time to take care of your health and adopt a healthy lifestyle.

This must include dealing with problems in your life and thinking positive thoughts. I would also suggest that you enhance relationships with people who mean something to you.

Seeking spiritual resources for experiencing inner peace and well-being can bolster confidence in yourself and instil meaning in life.

As you seek to deal with your predicament, you may still feel depressed. Then I would recommend you seek professional help such as approaching a counsellor or doctor to help you deal with your situation.

There is always help available and you need not walk alone during such times.

WRITE TO ANTHONY

Do you have a burning question or a problem that you need help with? Anthony Yeo, who has over 35 years of experience in counselling and is a consultant therapist at the Counselling And Care Centre, will answer selected questions. E-mail your questions to suntimes@sph.com.sg Life Lines

This story was first published in thesundaytimes on Nov 16, 2008.